Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
