Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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