Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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