She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
