It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
