his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize