I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
