There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
sarcasm needs its own font
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
