im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
