You smell like a Billy Joel song
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
