This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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