i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm like, not good at living.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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