I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
