I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
