I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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