At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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