Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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