Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
