this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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