Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
