Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
me + whiskey = a bad person
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
