its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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