we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
