I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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