Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
