I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
