I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Who put my cat in the fridge?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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