i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I currently don't understand fingers.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
