my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
