the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
