he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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