i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
