is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
