I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
