If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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