I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize