I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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