we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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