Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
