I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
