I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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