I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
