I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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