i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
