we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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