you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm getting married
To pizza
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
