evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
