On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Let's get the cat blown out
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize