We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
MIDGETS
????
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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