smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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