we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
