So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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