Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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