He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
