This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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