Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize