like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
