dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
