i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we made out on top of his cat.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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