I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
