I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
