Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Success! We fucked roommates!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
