i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
