It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
