if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
