i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
