RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
