she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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