She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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