i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
