i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
